Unfinished Rambler

This is part III of an intermittent series on "Things You Didn't Know About Your Local Library." Parts I, II and III can be found here, here and here.

The other day I happened to be in the basement at the library where I work part-time, because as Etta James and Sugar Pie DeSanto croon, "In the basement, In the basement, that's where it's at," when I saw this:



Closeup No. 1:



According to my friend "Bob" in South Korea, to whom I talked via instant message earlier this morning (earlier tomorrow morning for him), Elvis is the janitor at our library with the janitor closet clearly visible in the background.

And the reason that he has a photo up of himself? Both of us thought of it at the same time:

"Picture of the glory days."

Closeup No. 2:



Picture of his last car, of course. Bob told me:

"It all adds up."

Bob continued:

"I bet Elvis is really into the Internet."

Makes sense to me. The library has computers upstairs and Elvis probably has the codes to get into them. Bob concluded, that like Peter, Michael and Samir in Office Space , Elvis is:

"...figuring out ways to get a half cent here and half a cent there off his royalty payments to his estate."

Personally, I think he already figured it out and that car isn't just his last car. That is the car in which he drives around our little town.

There's even a table in front of the window where I imagine Elvis making peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwiches "the way Mama used to make 'em."

If you think you're going to escape without an Elvis clip before you leave this post, you're wrong. Here it is (just listen, the clip is dark, but you can still hear the music), with perhaps the song being an argument for why that photo isn't of Elvis's car:


Tip of the hat to Bonehead, who wrote a post earlier in the month to celebrate Elvis's 75th birthday, which had me reminiscing about Elvis already. Check out the videos there that probably coincide better with the time when the photo above was taken than the clip I provided.

In all seriousness, though, I did write a complimentary review of the novel from the asshat who founded the site on my other blog and Johnny B. Truant actually likes the book too as evidenced in this post here. I have to admit that the novel wasn't half-bad, considering the author is an asshat.

Author's note: I have to give credit where credit is due with my wife, Kim, being the first person I know to use the phrase "tits up," so I co-opted it from her. But don't wield the phrase around lightly, warns a user on this forum: "Just so everyone is certain, this is a slang phrase and should not be said to someone who just lost a relative, etc. 'I'm so sorry your dad went tits up' would be a terrible faux pas."

What do you do when you hear of the death of a humor blog directory that helped you get to where you are today? Yep, nowhere but with lots of funny friends with whom you all have gotten there together.

A. Mock it with a question as above.

B. Curl up in a fetal position for several days and bemoan the loss to all the world via Facebook, Twitter and now your blog.

C. Call up your sister and leave her a cryptic message, making her think that you have a real emergency.

D. Eulogize it with a blog post in which you provide lots and lots of links to many of the blogs of those funny friends you met on the directory that was more than a directory to some of us. It was family, man, family!!!!

E. All of the above

Personally, I'm opting for E. Okay, I won't lie, I didn't curl up in a fetal position for several days. It was only several hours I was in the fetal position and I'm glad most of these people aren't in my family, because many of them are batshit crazy, but the rest is true, including the part about calling up my sister, Lisa, author of the blog Boondock Ramblings.

It all began this past Friday when I learned of the death of Humor-Blogs.com (because of hackers) from a blogger friend of mine, Kathy Frederick of The Junk Drawer, one of the many bloggers that I met through the site.

Okay, not really. According to my wife, Kim of Dispatches From the Northern Outpost, it began when a friend of hers sent a link to a post about a JCPenney catalog by a blogger named Johnny Virgil on his blog named 15 Minute Lunch.

Based on that one post, my wife read his entire archive and discovered Humor-Blogs.com, which she then joined.

Then she introduced both my sister and me to the site, and we joined. The rest is history. We all went nowhere together like the lyrics to that Billy Joel song: "And we would all go nowhere together/ We said we'd all go nowhere together/ Yes we would all go nowhere together." And so we did, except we had cameras, we didn't pass the hash pipe (we were selfish with each of us having his own hash pipe and keeping all the hashish for himself) and we haven't suffered any PTSD (as we've dealt with our stress with laughter and, of course, hashish).

Who are we? Well, over this weekend, I've thought about that and here's an incomplete list of those I remember whom I met through the site, many of whose blogs I still read and which I encourage you also to read, if you don't already:

Rob Kroese (Mattress Police), the founder of Humor-Blogs.com and author of Mercury Falls

Jenn Thorson (Of Cabbages and Kings)

Jeff Lee (View from the Cloud)

Brent Diggs (The Ominous Comma)

Joel Bezaire (Crummy Church Signs)

Leigh Floyd (leighonline)

Muskrat

Chris Cameron (Angry Seafood)

Don Lewis (Its A Funny Thing)

Meg (Prefers Her Fantasy Life)

Margaret Andrews (Nanny Goats in Panties)

Doug (Taunt Vortex)

Jamie (Mad Science)

Michael Wolfe (Predator Press)

Mark A. Rayner (The Skwib)

Harris Bloom (Why Me? The Life and Times of Harris Bloom)

Renal Failure

Lincoln McCardle (Canucklehead)

KiKi Walter (flibbertigibbet)

Leeuna Foster (My Mind Wandered...and it never came back!)

Candice Sonnier Stroh (Life According to Candice)

Sue Erwin Seese (Farvel Cargo)

Julia D. (Homemade Hilarity)

Sandy (Wit's Bitch)

John Bray (Nonamedufus)

Daddy Papersurfer

Catherinette Singleton (Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me)

Bee (Bee's Musings)

Chelle B. (The Offended Blogger)

John J. Savo (The Authoring Auctioneer, now The Savo Auctioneers)

Don Kingery (Beyond Left Field)

Johnny B. Truant

Alice (Honey Pie)

Shawn (The Shark Tank)

The Acorn King

JD (I Do Things So You Don't Have To)

Kathcom (The Magick Sandwich)

Lord Likely

Kevin (Always Home and Uncool)

ReformingGeek (Confessions of a Reforming Geek)

Nooter the Dog

LOTGK (Grassy Knoll Institute)

Haley Keppel (Talk of the Dog)

brookeamanda (now Babbling Brooke)

VE (VE's Fantastical Nonsense)

Thaddeus (Army of Epiphenomenon)

The Office Scribe (Asleep Under My Desk)

Siren (Idiot Girl In Action)

Lidian (Kitchen Retro)

Matt (formerly of That Tears It... and of late, featured on Review Spew)

Bex (The Blog of Bex)

The Johnson's Zoo

Uncle Beau (The Nothing Report)

Deb (Debbie Does Drivel)

Kirsten (The Soccer Mom Files)

Greg Johnson (The Trials of a Madman)

Unfortunate Names

Dorky Dad

Sam Fracas (fracas)

HappyHourSue (Happy Meals and Happy Hour)

Tricia (papercages)

Rickey Henderson (Riding with Rickey)

As is my custom, when I don't know how to end a post, I turn to the ubiquitous YouTube:



Thanks, Rob, for the memories and all the bloggers I was able to meet through your site, among them the bloggers listed here, many of whose blogs still live on. As Brent Diggs said on my Facebook page after I eulogized there, "Thanks for the memories, let's keep making them." Let it be so.

I was reading over at VE's Fantastical Nonsense why he missed yesterday's Theme Thursday: Bread. Sooooo it got me to thinking about bread and I thought I'd do a belated Theme Thursday (read: Friday) on bread.

Here goes nothing, based on a Google News search to keep my blog all relevant and what-not, yo:

First up, yesterday would have been a perfect time for VE to discuss bread because of the bull market in bread:




[Disclaimer: I have no stock in Panera Bread and have not accepted any dough, real or otherwise, from Panera Bread. In fact, I don't even know where the closest Panera Bread is to where we live.]

On with the show:

Brit teenagers think oats grow on trees, bacon comes from sheep!

And that eggs are the key ingredient of bread!

Wait, eggs aren't the key ingredient in bread?

Oh, well, who knew? And for the record, as a good practicing Jew, I knew that bacon didn't come from sheep, it comes from:



Specifically, in France, bacon is made in boucheries chevalines, which is not to be, but for some reason often is, confused with:



While I'm tossing names around, here's one more: ">Joey "Sliced Bread" Logano.

For those of you who don't follow NASCAR as it keeps turning left, here's a photo of "the greatest thing since sliced bread" to hit NASCAR:

Joey Logano

Since I'm going to be late for work, if I don't finish this post shortly, I'll leave you with a little music:



They'll be playing this Saturday The Roc Bar, 1266 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach (formerly Twisted Sisters) as part of a punk rock circus, which begins at 9 p.m.

Oh, yeah, drink responsibly and

Yes, today's big news is Scott Brown...

...and that he may be sold!!!

This is shocking news considering the Republicans just won him...

...and now they want to sell him.

Does it have anything to do with any of these Twenty things to know about Scott Brown according to The Times Online?

Do they want to distance themselves from the automakers, because he drives a GMC pickup?

Do they not want a former male centerfold in their ranks?

Do they have something against American Idol because Brown's daughter was a semifinalist? Not that I really blame them...after this annoying ditty now might be stuck in my head for the next year!

Do they not like the nickname he once had of "Downtown Scotty Brown" since most of them are more uptown?

Bottom line: Is it because even though he opposes same-sex marriage, he still supports legalized abortion?!!!!??!!!!

Perhaps these are just some of the questions the Republicans have about Scott Brown and why they want to sell him.

Wait a minute.

Double take.

Oh, never mind, it's this Scott Brown (pictured in green at right):


Sorry, had to click through to the actual story at guardian.co.uk. Personally, I was wondering why the Celtics (oops, again, misread) were refusing to comment on reports about a Senator-elect being sold.

Now I get it.

Republicans refuse to comment on reports that Scott Brown will be sold to Celtics in a three-way trade for Nate Robinson with the New York Knicks.

You heard it here first!

This is the continuation of an intermittent series here at Unfinished Rambler called Conspiracy Theories Pennsyltuckians Share Over Schlitzes at Johnny Shmoker's, which I talked about a radar facility near where I lived growing up that locals thought was still being used by the military for secret operations. Again, I want to discuss that radar facility, but with new information and photos of the actual site, one of which can be found here.

Previously on Unfinished Rambler, when discussing this facility, I used photos of another facility because the photo I wanted to use at Flickr had the the following note attached to it:

"I give no permission to media for reprint. If you use them without written permission, I will not hesitate to sue your ass."

So I sent him the following e-mail via Flickr:

"I'm writing a blog post about the Red Rock radar installation. I saw on your profile that you allow no one to use any of your media or you'll sue my ass. So I thought I'd ask anyway..."

To which he responded, surprisingly graciously:

"Go ahead and use it."

What I also didn't expect was the information and links to photos that are in the public domain of the former Benton Air Force Station, as it was called.

Here are a few of the photos, all:

Photo courtesy of The Online Air Defense Radar Museum, Radomes, Inc. Used by permission.

Photo courtesy of The Online Air Defense Radar Museum, Radomes, Inc. Used by permission.

Photo courtesy of The Online Air Defense Radar Museum, Radomes, Inc. Used by permission.

He also told me that the Federal Aviation Administration still uses the radar facility for air traffic control at Philadelphia, Wilkes-Barre, Newark and New York City. From 1951 to 1975, the facility was operated by the 648th Radar Squadron for the purpose of air defense and missile detection, with "two CPS-6B radars, two FPS-26A radars, and two FPS-35 long range radars." The bases of the two AN-FPS (aka GATR) radars are still visible along "Gatar Base Road" near Ganoga Lake, he said.

"Prolly the only mysteries were that people assume that because Lopez has bombs everywhere, was because BAFS had missile silos. It was just for radar use, there was a radiation poisoning once, caused by something in the radar mechanics. But there were no missiles. The VFW in Lopez got all the missiles, bombs and MACE ICBM's for free.."

Two things there: 1 So while the facility didn't have missiles, it did have radiation poisoning! (more conspiracy stories to follow), 2. The military just hands out missiles, bombs and ICBMs for free to your local VFWs. Good to know.

A town nearby, Bernice, also has at least one missile in a display at its VFW post, for which I found this short clip on YouTube:



Interesting footnote: Thanks to idigghx (who informed me when I asked him if he wanted credit by name: "No, that's okay. I have no name. I'm just a face in the crowd.") for correcting me and the uploader of this video on where this video was taken. I thought it was Mildred too, but was informed otherwise:

"Mildred is the side of Birch Creek that has the school; Bernice is the side that has the two bars."

I humbly apologize Mildred for all the cracks I made as a kid about your town being the one that had all the bars. It was those no good drunks on the other side of the bridge in Bernice about whom I should have been joking.

Updates: As of this morning, Jan. 20, the photo, which I was given permission to use, is reading "currently unavailable." I have an e-mail to idigghx to see why. As of this morning, Jan. 23, the photo was still unavailable, but idigghx sent me a link to another photo which I provided above and provide again here.

Yesterday, I received a comment (which didn't arrive until today for some reason via Disqus, which seems to be having some problems) from Tom page, historian with The Online Air-Defense Radar Museum in reference to the three photos which I thought were in the public domain, but aren't.

Here's what Tom said:

Interesting -- All three photos came from our website, The Online Air-Defense Radar Museum, http://www.radomes.org/museum/. Our material is copyrighted, and may be used only with permission and with a properly credit to the source. Please add a proper credit line, or remove the photos. We prefer the former, as we want to share the history with as wide an audience as possible. Thank you.

Via a telephone conversation this morning with a friend who is living in South Korea, I learned that he is an international muckraker and is the one who outed Demi Moore's hip.

Or more specifically his shoe did.

How so?

Let me explain.

In November the pop culture website Boing Boing published speculation by photographer Anthony Citrano that a recent W Magazine cover image of Demi Moore may have been Photoshopped.

In December lawyers representing Moore sent a letter to Boing Boing that demanded that they remove the post or face legal action (<--- SEE THIS POST for photos of two different covers).

In January my friend (who wishes to remain anonymous, because of concern over legal action in South Korea) took this photo with his cell phone at a South Korean bookstore:



which he promptly sent to Boing Boing.

The photo, as it appears above, also is on the website of photographer Anthony Citrano in this post (photo in middle of post).

"You can see my shoe in the photo."

This is what my friend told me and sure enough in the bottom left, you can see it (he wears black soccer shoes with white stripes)...



Yep, my friend Bob (name changed to protect his identity as an English teacher by day, international muckraker by night), or more specifically his shoe, is responsible for showing that Demi Moore's hip was indeed Photoshopped.

I wonder what big story Bob might break next.

All I know is that Ashton Kutcher, you better watch your back.

This won't be like an episode of Punk'd. Bob will bring the REAL to your door.

You don't believe me? Look how he exposed the real side of your wife.

Oh, yeah, you better be scared.

I wish I had made The Drill'N Man up, but I didn't. However, I did embellish a bit on the paper's Nine Ways To Beat The Cold.

The ad above, though, I didn't embellish much.

I only had a couple questions:

1. What's a "man lift"? Is that some kind of cosmetic surgery procedure that I really don't want to know about?

2. What's a mananger? I couldn't find it when I looked it up at Merriam-Webster. I got this message. Maybe it's an East Bumf***ian expression? I guess.

I'm not going to repeat the advice offered to the gas drilling men as it was written word-for-word in the edition of The Drill'N Man I picked up recently, as much as I'm going to highlight the list that was given there and add my own interpretations...or leave to your own interpretations, as the case may be.

1. EAT! Calories = heat. If that's true, then why is this hot dog eating contest in July?!!!? Hmmm.



2. Hydrate.



Don't forget "a bathing suit is not required or recommended." Consult reference to Drill'N Dolls and appropriate music in first post.


3. Layer up.



No, not lather up, but "layer" up. Again consult reference to Drill'N Dolls in first post, although if you want to lather up your entire body before you "layer" up (and who knows maybe you could lather up and layer up too?) that probably wouldn't hurt after you've been out in the field all day.

4. Feet cold? Cover your head.

Even one of these



will do, just don't use when lathering up (see last sentence).

5. Use hand warmers in strange places. "...They also go well in your boots or any other place you might want to freeze." Uh huh, you don't need to do a double take, you read that right.

Cue appropriate music.

6. Happy Feet = Happy Worker "...A fresh pair of socks will make you feel like a new man." So will a visit from one of the Drill'N Dolls, who I'm told by a reliable source have a fetish for feet.

Or be distracted from the cold by watching a movie about cold weather animals set to annoying music:



7. Don't turn up the heat. Bottom line is that you have to adjust to the cold...go stock shelves in a convenience store cooler or better yet, do like these dudes:

8. Peet your Feet. "A simple dryer (called a Peet) will warm your equipment and your boots will last longer, too." In case, you missed it, feet are important in warming the cockles of your heart and "your equipment." See previous comment about Drill'N Dolls and feet fetish. Who knew? Kinky.

Speaking of Peet and kinky:



Appropriate music again.

9. Start Dry To Stay Dry. ...although I must say if you start with one of these:



you're probably not going to stay dry for long.

Tomorrow: Part III in the Drill'N Man series with a special ad.

Last week while at a local restaurant, I saw this on the counter as I went to pay for my check:



"This mag was put together for the work'N men in the area, drill'n for oil/gas. The Drill'N Man is not writing about wine tasting on the Fingers Lakes. It was not written for anyone here on vacation. This paper was written for you roughnecking, hard-nosed men, who came here to work hard and make money to support your family."

reads a letter from the creative director of the only publication for the men in the gas fields of PA/NY.

Yeah, you Joe Roughnecks are welcome here, he wants you to know on behalf of the good people here in this part of Pennsyltucky and the Southern Tier.

And what do we have to offer?

Besides this fine piece of newsprint here, well...



...like this little (well, at least the photo is little) lady here, who can deliver the paper to you personally:

"The Dolls are fun and friendly ladies who deliver The Drill'N Man to your workplace, hotels and night spots for your convenience. Rather than leave these things out for anyone to pick them up, we want to make sure that you working men get what was written for you."

Uh huh. You read that right.

Personal delivery. Cue the music.

The text beside the Drill'N Doll photo is...how do I say it? hmmm...strategically placed, with "rather than leave these things out" right next to the breasts of the doll and "we want to make sure what you working men get what" is also just below said breasts.

Personal delivery.

Part II of The Drill'N Man tomorrow, with "Nine Ways To Beat The Cold." I can't spill all this gas in one go.

That's what The Drill'N Doll wishes The Drill'N Man had said. Cue the music one more time, this time from comedian Pablo Francisco, which I couldn't resist sharing.

I received this in the mail last week from our regional Red Cross. Now to you this might not seem like a big deal. However, when I opened this letter and read it, I burst out laughing.

Why?

It's just that The Wife, who has A+ blood, is the one always receiving phone calls and letters from the bloodsuckers, while I, who has the rarer AB- blood, has yet to receive one single phone call or letter in the last couple of years, well, besides this one.

In fact, it's gotten so bad for The Wife that she recognizes the Red Cross phone number and ignores their calls. Not to mention, the person on the other end always asks her if she can come to our local hospital on Wednesdays during the day to donate blood and my wife always responds that she cannot since she is Workin' for a livin' (workin'), Workin' for a livin', Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin' .

Me on the other hand? Whenever I do go to give blood, both the interviewer at the table and phlebotomist always comment on my rare blood.

"Oooh, you've got a rare blood type, don't you, hon? Don'tchya?"

And for some reason, the person always speaks in a Cockney accent like on Monty Python. Weird.

I always tell them that if he/she thinks my blood type is so rare, the Powers That Be ought to contact me more often than they do.

Whenever The Wife tells me that she received a phone call, I always (see a theme here?) throw a temper tantrum:

"Dammit! Why don't they call ME? I am the one with the rare blood type!"

I'll be honest, though, as I filled out the survey that I was glad that they don't call me as much as they call her, so when it came to this particular question I couldn't help but answer as I did:




The Wife said the irony probably would be lost on the company conducting the survey, but I don't care. I had to be honest.

The last question on the survey was this: What is the one thing the Red Cross could do better when contacting you about blood donation opportunities, making it more likely that you will donate blood? Please be specific.

Here is what I answered:

Contact me, period. I have AB- Blood. My wife has A+ Blood and is harassed by phone to come in on Wednesdays when she can't come in because she is at work. Leave her alone!! When she sees your number, she doesn't answer. Harass the right people!

I should have added, "You silly gits" at the end of that, but this is the American Red Cross and not the British Red Cross, after all.

But seriously, as Pete sang "Give Blood."



Visit the American Red Cross online today or call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE (800-448-3543). You don't have to be like me and wait for them to call, write or e-mail you.

As a youth, I grew up near a radar facility that looked like this one in Alaska, but the facility near where I lived was in the hills of northcentral Pennsylvania and it had long since been abandoned by the military. You could see the radar dome, or "golf ball," as the locals called it, for miles around, even in the next county where I lived, and everybody and their grandmother had a theory that it was still in operation. Mostly the theories revolved around the Air Force using it for a radar facility for UFOs, hence the Men In Black. Occasionally, locals would say they also had seen black choppers hovering in the skies in the county where the facility was located.

After college, I got a job as a intern at a daily newspaper in my home county. I pitched the idea to my editor to visit the facility and see really what was going on there, if nothing else but to debunk the myths the locals had been perpetuating for years. After he agreed, for which I'm forever grateful because technically the facility was on the fringes of the paper's coverage area, I contacted the Job Corps center, which was on the same property as the dome, to see who could tell me about it.

The folks there put me in contact with the National Weather Service, who still had a radar system in operation in the dome at the time. A National Weather Service meteorologist met me at the base of the "golf ball" and then gave me a tour of the building. The tour included showing me the "inner sanctum", where there were rows and rows of outdated weather equipment, mostly unused, like this:


He even showed me the inside of the radar dome (no, not a euphemism):


which, yep, was every bit as exciting as that.

He told me the facility was used rarely nowadays, except for a backup when other facilities were having problems. When I told him about what some locals thought of the site, he said at one time the Air Force did have missile silos on the site in the 1960s during the Cold War. However, since then, he said the missiles had been removed and the silos filled in. The facility once also had housed a small contingent of soldiers but no longer did, he said.

After going to the site, during which I took photos to document the visit and include with the story, I went to a general store in the village at the bottom of the mountain where the "golf ball" was. I tried to talk to an employee at the store, maybe even the owner although I'll never know since she refused to give me her name, saying:

"For all I know, you could be working for THEM."

Or something to that effect. (I since have received a similar response when, as a correspondent for another paper, I went to a Tea Party protest in the county where I live now and asked one of the protesters there with a sign for a quote. "How do I know you're not one of THEM?" he asked.) The woman at the store also said she didn't believe that the facility was no longer operational as a military installation, that

"The guv'rnment is still hiding something up there on that mountain that they don't want us to know about."

And then she spit a wad of chewing tobacco at my feet and shut the door on my face, or so I remember it in my mind's eye.

No way could I not use that quote, so when I wrote up the story, I included it, as "said by a woman who asked not to be identified." I don't remember if I included the part about the chewing tobacco, probably not because where I grew up, chewing tobacco was as sacred as a cow was to an Indian. After all, you don't spit into the wind, so to speak.

To this day, I consider that one of my favorite stories that I ever had the chance to write as a newspaper reporter.

Next post: Not a conspiracy theory related post, but one on a survey I received from the American Red Cross but my wife inexplicably didn't. I'll explain then what I mean by then. Stay tuned -- and later this week, a post on, the subject of newspapers again, a new newspaper in our town that you have to see to believe. Also when leaving comments, please leave a link to your blog at the end of the comment. I'm working on getting a new comment system, but until then, feel free to leave a link to your blog or even your latest post.

Back in November, I mentioned how on one of the walls in the hallway of our church is a bulletin board where comments from kids are put up in responses to questions they are presented in Sunday school.

This past week I was at the church for a memorial Mass and happened to see the responses to this question:

Moses had a good life as an adopted son of Pharaoh's daughter. He had the best of everything, but it bothered him when he saw people hurting others.

When you see someone hurt by actions or words of others, what do you do? Do you always stand up for what is right? How is God using you to right the wrongs of the world?

Here are some of the answers, starting with Sammi's:

"I stand up for my sister when she is being bossed around."

I imagine Sammi saying this:

"Hey, Mom, don't tell her to clean her room. She's my sister!!!"

Others like Jessica see an opportunity for the bully to find a new friend:

"I tell them to stop and play with the person being hurt."

Hunter believes in the tattletale approach:

"I stand up for the person and tell them to stop. If that doesn't work, I then go and tell an adult."

So there.

Hunter is going to be a corporate whistle blower when she grows up. Good for her.

Jachob regurgitates the question in his answer:

"I stand up for what is right because it is right to stand up for people."

Jachob believes, though, if he sees cats and dogs being tortured, that's all right.

However, he's going to do fine on his college entrance essay for rewording the question in the answer. Nicely done.

Joseph sees it as an opportunity to become politically active:

"I stood in the middle of the road and held a sign saying abortion is wrong."

While not commenting on the issue of abortion and beginning a political debate here, I will say this: Joseph is lucky that he wasn't run over. His parents seemed to have forgotten Rule No. 232 of parenting: Don't let your kids stand in the middle of the road. They might get hit.

Devan must have a guilty conscience, I'm thinking:

"I tell them to stop and I stand up for what is right. God is telling me stop from doing wrong."

I know I said this time would be the start of new intermittent series Conspiracy Theories Pennsyltuckians Share Over Schlitzes at Johnny Shmoker's, but this seemed more appropriate for a Sunday. So that series will start tomorrow. Stay tuned.

I've talked a lot about the basement at our library and its scary side.

What I haven't discussed is the ultra-scary side.



And in all of their basements are computers like this:


Yep. WOPR (and unlike the article, it is real). If you read any anti-government books, take out movies or even borrow music considered subversive (that Bing Crosby and Mannheim Steamroller we have at our library are among them), WOPR knows. In fact, today his microchips are about to explode with all the activity I've been giving as I write this in draft form on a library computer. Luckily, I haven't mentioned al Quaeda (link provided in case, you've been living under a rock, although maybe if you've living been under a rock, you are one of them) yet (oops, too late now)

What got me thinking about this was this past week the system used in our library and many libraries throughout the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania was down. I figured in the wake of the Underwear Bomber incident, the agencies must have circled their wagons and shut down systems to check up on you and me to make sure we're not planning anything similar (um, yo, home slice, you really think I'm going to put a bomb in my boxers? yo!).

If you took out any Captain Underpants books for your kids recently, don't be surprised if you receive a knock at your front door from the Men in Black. In fact, I'll probably receive a knock at my front door from them just because I dared speak the captain's name.


No, not them.


If you don't know about them, I'll tell you in more detail...


Conspiracy Theories Pennsyltuckians Share Over Schlitzes at Johnny Shmoker's

In keeping with my blogging goals as outlined earlier this week, I am switching from "Blogs I Endorse" to "Highlighted Blog of the Month" on the middle sidebar, and as I mentioned then, this month's highlighted blog is:



Why?

Well, first, I'm not going to lie. When I first saw Renal Failure's blog and looked at his sidebar with his cast of "Main Renal Players" from Anonymous Doug to Tina The Lesbian, I thought, "I don't get this," and I don't know any lesbians up here in the woods of northcentral Pennsylvania, although I'm sure they're here, since the daughters of Sappho are everywhere.

I mean, I'm not a big fan of anime, with all those big eyes and the characters Engrish sometimes reminds me of this:


So anyway, with all that said, I delved into this world of crazy hometown superheroes that also includes a half-real cat/half robot-cat (The F? yes, exactly what I thought), mainly because I didn't know what the hell was going on and was thinking maybe I could figure out what the hell was going on...

...and you know what I found?

No, not Jesus, because Avonia the Wiccan Pimp doesn't believe in him, and doesn't think she needs him no matter what Brit Hume says.

No, I haven't even completely figured out what the hell is going on even though rf, as he signs off each post, gives lots of clues with his Turn Back The Renal Clock posts.

But what I have found is a blog I like, because of posts like this, "The Dalai Lama Houses Jesus At Golf," and this, "If Chuck Norris blows up a plane, who's going to stop him?" and even this, "If you look to your left, you can see the Great Lakes. If you look to the right, some guy's crotch is on fire." Odd thing is that The Wife and I were discussing Brit Hume's asinine thoughts on Tiger, and I was thinking of an appropriate response myself.

Luckily, rf was able to provide such a response, and with commentary on golf and Tiger's cock, to boot.

If nothing else, Renal Failure is up-to-date on current events and if you want to be up-to-date on current events, you better get to his blog at http://renalfailure.wordpress.com.

If not, Tag Larkin might have to come visit you to update you on the state of his fist in your solar plexus.

Tag Larkin thinks you'll be bent over in a world of pain, my friend, and Tag Larkin doesn't think you want that.

Okay, while I was content to finish at 8-8 and fifth in the Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League last week, I won't lie that I was more than a little bit disappointed. Then I received this message via Facebook from my friend, Deb:

Well fellow Footbally Poolers...the season is ended. Thanks for playing. Somehow, even with not submitting an entire weeks worth of picks, I managed to beat out Jon to escape last place. Due to an amazing final weekend for me. And even though Bryan only did 1/2 of his picks, he managed to squeak by Kevin for 1st by 9 points! Thanks all and I hope we do it again next season.

So I went over to our Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Pro Football Pick 'Em page and this is what I found (well, sort of, with some slight modifications):



Sure enough, even though I forgot to make half my picks until Sunday afternoon, I still won!!!!!

Now I can say it and really mean it:



Like The Cool Kids, I rock:


As of the start of 2010, CommentLuv doesn't seem to be working with JS-Kit/Echo, so feel free to leave a link to your last post in the comment until I get in contact with CommentLuv support to get it worked out. Thanks for your understanding and patience as I try to work through this.

...well, things you didn't know about our local library anyway.

Last month I began this intermittent series after I started a part-time job there and today I thought I'd continue the series.

The Sensor


Not only does it keep track of how many people enter the library each day, but also it keeps track of who enters the library.

Through groundbreaking technology, it records DNA.

Why is this important?

Two words: Library fines.

If you have a library fine in excess of $100, you will receive a slight electrical shock --slight, but enough so that it makes you feel a little woozy...

...so woozy that you end up going to the main desk and ask if there's someone you can lie down for a moment.

"Why, of course, we do, my dear. Right this way..."

You are directed to a special room.

What you don't know in your delirious state, or didn't know until now, is that it's a holding cell, where you are kept until you, a family member or friend pay your bail fine.

Remember the scary side of the basement that I mentioned in my last post? That's where the cells are.

Yes, cells, plural.


Yep. They look very similar to those.

Of course, the library staff usually keeps a threadbare mattress on the frames, although in your woozy state, you won't really notice anyway.

So a word of caution: Pay your library fines in our town.

Like these poor folks who thought they could get away with not paying their fines, you may be sorry, if you don't.

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Over on my serious blogs, an unfinished person (in an unfinished universe) and Just A (Reading) Fool, I posted blogging goals for the new year.

I've decided to do the same here, with a few variations:

1. Move Unfinished Rambler to WordPress.org by year's end.

2. Continue the practice of no themed days (Meandering Monday, WTF Wordless Wednesday and Flashback Friday) as I have been because it seems to be working. I don't feel pressured into writing poop just for the sake of having a post up.

3. At least one post per week (hey, it's a goal).

4. Cut back on the number of widgets on the sidebars. As you might have noticed (if you opened to my actual site), I have started to do that, primarily with switching from "Blogs I Endorse" to "Highlighted Blog of the Month."

Note to those of you from whom I requested a badge, your blog will be highlighted sometime during 2010. If you have a bloggiversary coming up in a certain month and would like to request a certain month, let me know in advance. Otherwise, I'll just be tossing your badge up whenever.

This month's highlighted blog is:



I will do a post in the near future (this week) to let you know why I'm highlighting RF, but in the meantime, go visit his blog and surf your way through his archives. You won't be sad that you did.

And just as in my blogging goals over at my other two serious blogs:

5. Comment on blogs of bloggers who comment on my blogs, instead of, or in addition, to responding with comment.

Unlike some bloggers (ahem), I get relatively few comments (yeah, lurkers, it's about time you step out of the darkness), so I figure this won't be too difficult. Plus it will encourage me to catch up on my reading of fellow bloggers.

6. Promote my blog via Facebook fan page and Networked Blogs. Right now the only problem is that both have large widgets, so I'm using just one. Ideally, I want no more than 5 sections on my sidebar (right now I'm at six and really don't want to add another).

Maybe by day's end, I'll figure out how to include both, but not so it's so obtrusive, so it doesn't clutter the page more. I don't want my page to look like this



7. That's it. I don't want my list to be too complicated either.

After all the rule is Keep It Simple, Stupid...take it out, ladies.