Unfinished Rambler

This week's Sunday Shout-Out goes to Ann @ Ann's Rants, another one of those bloggers that I discovered over at Humorbloggers dot com. Yep, one of those.

She began this blog back in October 2008. Why? Well, as she said it then in that first post, "My ovaries keep demanding I conceive something, so I thought my brain might distract them a bit if I got creative enough. Only time will tell."

She also said she hoped her blog would provide "parents a moment of shared commiseration, compassion and hopefully humor." It has done all of that, especially on the humor side, even as a non-parent.

One of her regular features is Free Association Friday. Other than that, pretty much anything goes and does.

This week, though, she is having a series of guest posts from man bloggers, including myself, for a week she is calling Man's Rants. I can't tell you when mine will be posted, but who cares? All of the posts ought to be a lot of fun to read.

I interrupt my regularly scheduled Flashback Friday to flashback to the events of yesterday, because I wouldn't be a very good blogger if I didn't blog about the events of yesterday, would I?

I had just dropped off my wife at work yesterday morning when I began to hear the first inkling of what would become a day that I would never forget.

And I'll never forget where I was when it happened.

It shocked me to the core.

I wasn't expecting it.

I mean, does anyone ever expect it?

Let me give you a hint to what I'm talking about:



Yep, you guessed it. My muffler was dragging on the road behind me, and I had to call the tow truck to get the car.

It was a tragedy of epic proportions. It's not every day you lose a muffler.

It was a sad, sad day for me.

Luckily, today I've been hearing all kinds of music from this pop singer:



and seeing videos of this 1970s TV icon that are helping me get over my tragedy:



I might not have been able to pull through today if it weren't for them. Thanks, Michael and Farrah, for the memories.

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Photo courtesy of compscigrad on Flickr

Last night while twittering, I was called a liar by an automated robot program there for using the word "lie":



Ironically, I was saying that I wasn't going to lie, but it still called me a liar.



Then this morning, I had another automated robot program pick up on a "note" I wrote.

It made me think of other automated robot programs that are desperately needed on Twitter:





I also think it would be helpful if it actually put in the speech bubbles to identify where a twitterer used the @ symbol or the word "the," because we're just that stupid.

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Oops. You may have received a draft of this earlier in the feed and went WTF? Don't worry, not starting a WTF Thursday. Basically, if you haven't discovered it yet, every day is a WTF Day here.

For much better spoofs on Twitter than this, see Jenn Thorson's Bitter: Twitter for the Disgruntled and Ryan Garns' Grunt: The Latest in Micro-Micro-Media.

What's so Kreativ about not being able to spel? If the folks who had kreated this wanted to be kretiv, they should have called it the Kreativ Bloger Award.

Thanks to Meg, who has been MIA since the beginning of the month, from Prefers Her Fantasy Life for the award.

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Sorry, The Wife has had the camera for the last few days for work. So I had to go through my photo archives to see what I could kreat on short notice.

It's time to return to the real intent and purpose of Meandering Monday, as set forth by Merriam and Webster (not just Merriam, but Webster too, mind you):

meander:

2 : to wander aimlessly or casually without urgent destination : ramble.

So here goes:

My wife can't believe that I haven't heard of Bonnaroo and now I am feeling culturally deprived because in my 40 years of existence, I had never heard of "this revolutionary entertainment experience" that Rolling Stone magazine has named "one of the 50 moments that changed the history of rock and roll," according to the Bonnaroo website. I have heard of kangaroo, though, and have heard it tastes like chicken.

*****

BREAKING NEWS: 7 Lucrative Jobs from Obama's Stimulus Plan. Caught this on Yahoo this morning:

Computer Security Specialist Median annual salary: $78,376
Cost Estimator Median annual salary: $58,868
Civil Engineer Median annual salary: $66,638
Insulation Installer Median annual salary: $44,460
Solar Panel Installer Median annual salary: $44,460
Physical Therapy Assistants Median annual salary: $48,999
Loan Officer Median annual salary: $43,070

You heard it here first...well, or secondhand, regardless, you heard it here. Mark your calendar down on June 22, 2009, you heard it.

Oh, don't forget the fine print:

Source: All salary data is from PayScale.com. The salaries listed are median, annual salaries for full-time workers with 5-8 years of experience and include any bonuses, commissions or profit sharing [emphasis mine].

Well, f--- me! [emphasis mine] I wish they had told me this 5-8 years ago. Now I'm 40 and out of luck. Plus by the time I got the requisite schooling I'd be in my 80s, hardly enough time left to enjoy my retirement.

*****

First time I've had to delete someone from Facebook Friends was today.

Why?

Because the person annoyed me with their messages (and constant requests to join this or that group or application) :

To wit, the person put a comment on my wife's Facebook page (wow! not even mine, that's pretty bad to be axed because of a comment on somebody else's page) about a post on her blog called "Albany Axes Adverbs."

The comment was something to the effect that it was so sad how Gov. Patterson in New York was doing that and that my wife should protest the proposed closing of 35 to 50 state parks in Pennsylvania by our own state government.

That alone didn't annoy me. It's that she then said we should contact our state representatives via a website for Congress.

The only problem: You're not going to find representatives of our state legislature on a Congressional website.

You can go to Congress with your complaints about their wanting to close Pennsylvania state parks and you know what they're going to say?

Yep.

F--- you. We don't deal with that sh--.

After today, I don't either.



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Photo courtesy of ItachixSakura_4_ever on Photobucket

Some folks have been reporting not being able to read my feed. I switched some things around and hopefully resolved it. If you're still having problems, the feed you should be using to get my posts is feeds2.feedburner.com/UnfinishedRambler

That 2 is very important. Of course, if you're not getting my feed, then you're probably not even reading this.

This past week, Steve Johnson @ The Johnson's Zoo celebrated his one year bloggiversary (spelling depending on how wrong you want to be -- me? I like to be just a little wrong; others, though, go really off on blogoversary to blogaversary, really out of control).

Steve periodically tells tales of (and on) his wife, Angie, and their three sons, Peter, David, and Tom. One of the highlights of each post is Ladder Talk in which Steve asks Peter and David the best and worst parts of their days and what they would like to do tomorrow.

It is one of many highlights, I might add. To see other highlights, I encourage you to visit the blog NOW. No, don't wait. Go! :)

For other funny and engaging blogs, visit: Humor-Blogs.com and BlogStorm.

Okay, I really don't know if it's part 222, but since I've lost track of where I am with the series, it's as good a place as any to continue.

So the date was Friday, September 6, 2002; the place, Pier 6 Concert Pavilion in Baltimore, Maryland; the bands/artists, Dream Theater, Joe Satriani and King's X.

My wife and I traveled to Baltimore to a friend's, with whom we ended up going to the concert, continuing a trend that I began when I first started going to concerts of hitching a ride with someone else:


My thumb, though, isn't that big, just saying, and I never looked that good -- um, ever.

Anyway, back to the concert, my wife and I went with two friends from college, Jeff and Steve, both of whom are musicians and were really into Dream Theater.

Dream Theater and Satriani were the co-headliners, with Satriani closing the shows west of the Mississippi and Dream Theater closing the shows east of the Mississippi.


"Hey, let's see if this works."

"No? Oh, well, they're just the lead-in band anyway. Who cares?"

Joe Satriani, second up, was, in a word, amazing! I had never seen him either and he showed why is one of the greatest guitarists of our age. Satriani is most famous for his album Surfing with the Alien and being the teacher for Steve Vai, with whom he later toured as part of the group G3 along with Eric Johnson.

While Satriani was on stage, both Jeff and Steve were air guitaring their brains out. I have no other way of explaining it. They were just going full-tilt, yeah, a little like this:



Then when Dream Theater were on stage, Jeff and Steve added their own vocal stylings.

When I say they were "into Dream Theater," I mean, they were INTO Dream Theater. How into Dream Theater were they? They each had memorized all the lyrics to all the songs on the group's album Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence for which they were touring. On the way to the concert, they were rehearsing as if they were the ones performing!

While the people around us didn't always appreciate Joe and Steve's...um...performance, for my wife and me, it was the highlight of the whole concert and something we'll never forget (not that James, John, John, Mike and Jordan weren't something I'll forget either, because I do love the band...um, unlike my wife).

I'll leave you first with a link to a sample of one of my favorite songs from that album, "Misunderstood," the title of which also describes what I think Jeff and Steve probably were at the concert by the people around us...

...and then the first single, "Rites of Passage," from Dream Theater's upcoming album, Black Clouds & Silver Linings, to be released this coming Tuesday, June 23:



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As of tonight, I'm instituting (yes, it's sort of sacred) a new blogroll, which is going back to a form similar to what I had when I first began:

Group No. 1: The Originals -- those with whom I began





Group 2: New Jacks -- those who were part of the second wave of bloggers I encountered in the humor blogosphere




Group 3: New School -- those whom I've encountered since the first and second wave




Most, if not all of the bloggers listed here, I have encountered on the following three sites:

• Humor-Blogs.com
• Humor Bloggers dot com
  
• BlogStorm

By itself, it's not that WTF Wordless worthy. But combine it with a mechanically inept person like myself volunteering at the local firemen's carnival and it becomes WTF Wordless worthy. At least, it left me without words, after the mayor of our town and county deputy coroner had to tell me not to push down the ice by hand into that big tube on the right. Luckily, it didn't leave me

armless...



...or armless and legless...




...or to take it to the nth extreme, armless, legless and faceless...




Apologies to Dalton Trumbo.

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P.S. Have to add while searching for snow cone machine photo, that the names of a few of the party rental websites I came across were, at least to my way of thinking, wrong: Hop on Pops, Jump 'n Bump Inc., and Big Lou's Bouncies. Just what kind of party are they throwing?

Back at the end of April, I applied to be a guide with About.com for the Web Humor category, which prompted the following post: Don't know much about beadwork, black hair, Boston or bowling, but that, hmmmm....

I remember when I first applied for the job, at the end of the application process, it was noted that it would take at least one month, if not two months, for About.com to respond.

After two months of not hearing anything from them, I'm beginning to wonder maybe I'm not as funny as I thought I was.

So since I hadn't heard back from them, I went to check on the status of my application and was sent this e-mail after prompting:

Dear Bryan,

Thank you for applying to be a Guide with About.com. As requested, here is the current status of your applications:

Web Humor: We still have your application on file, but we're currently working with a group of candidates in this topic. We review applications in the order they were received; if we do not hire a candidate from this group, we'll go back to our pool of applications and try again.

I'm beginning to wonder if I scared them off with my very next post, which was about Suri Cruise's bronzed poop.

Or that I mentioned that sometimes I do imbibe alcoholic beverages: only here (Boone's Farm), here (Jose), here (Jose again) and, since I mentioned it already, I might as well throw in this photo with Jose yet again for good measure when the lights went out the other night and Jose appeared to me in a vision:

"Beberás!"

That is what he said to me and I couldn't help but listen. I mean look at the way he was glowing.

However, that said, if in the near future, as a result of my drinking, I turn into this:



I'll rescind my application immediately.

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In April, I began a summer concert series with a post about going to my first major concert: U2. Then last month, I continued it with posts about going to an REM concert and an Earth Day concert. Now I turn to the next concert, In Living Colour, whom I saw at Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pa. in the fall of 1980.

I'd like to be more specific, but unlike the other concerts so far, for which I've been able to find timelines, for this one, I haven't been able to find. According to Wikipedia, the album for which they were touring, Time's Up, was released on August 20, 1990, so I'm just going to say the fall of 1990, because it was shortly after the album was released.

Like the three other concerts, I've mentioned so far, I hitched a ride to this one also while a student at Messiah College, a Christian liberal arts college, in southcentral Pennsylvania, and I believe with one of the same people driving, Ann, although again I'm not clear on that because of the secondhand buzz I received from marijuana smoke at this concert (just like the other three).

I usually try to use my own photos for WTF Wordless Wednesday, but after attempting to take a photo of my own ear hair and not being very successful at it, I just reverted to going to Google images and robbing a photo.

Since I turned 40 yesterday, if I don't get a trimmer soon, this is with what I may be dealing:



YIKES!

You're just lucky I didn't try to find a photo of the man with the world's longest nose hair.

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Today, it's my birthday.

Famous people who share(d) their birthday with me (Notice: I don't, or did, share it with them, but they with me. They should feel, or should have felt, so honored to have been born on the date I was born, even if they were born before me, because they were chosen from time immemorial to come into the world on the same date the great blogger Unfinished Rambler came into the world.):
















Famous person who was not born on my birthday but I thought was born not only on my birthday but in same year which meant that some day we were destined to hook up until a few years ago when I learned she actually was born FIVE days after me (DAMN!):



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A friend on Facebook sent me a link to an article about a Kentucky church that is holding an "Open Carry Church Service." Here is a link to the pastor talking about the upcoming service:



It reminded me of a couple of posts I previously had, one back in September on Shiny Happy Rural People Clinging to Religions and Guns and another one last October on a book called In God's Crosshairs, in which I used this Photoshopped creation:



The quote is from Ratt's "Wanted Man."

Oh, best part of the video where the pastor is describing the service, he said it's at a private facility and is not open to public, like public of Louisville. Hmmmm, I wonder what he is saying? In my mind, I hear cries of "roving bands of Negro youth," don't you?



In other developments, in honor of this month being LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) Pride Month as proclaimed by President Obama, I took a test on Facebook:



Yep, I'm 11 percent gay.

So today I stand with my homosexual brethren, high atop the gay version of Mount Suribachi:



Being that I'm only 11 percent gay, I'm not actually in the photo, but am cheering (and standing with, but not behind them, mind you, and a good, safe distance so I don't catch their gayness either; I don't want to be another 89 percent gay, you know?) the four well-built young men (hey, since I am 11 percent gay, I mean, I couldn't help but notice they are well-built) from the heterosexual sidelines.

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This week's shout-out goes to Confessions of a Reforming Geek, whom I discovered through ? I really don't know where I first met her, but now it seems like this Texan blogger is everywhere I go, whether on Humor-Blogs.com or Humor Bloggers dot com. For example, on June 15 and 16, ReformingGeek will be participating in the:


which is today in Jersey on Day 3 of a 3-day layover
(click on badge above to be magically transported there.
(Earlier this week, the trip was in my neck of the woods, Pennsyltucky and began in Toronto, Canada with Frank Lee MeiDere on his blog, i probably don't like you. Tuesday, it will be in North Carolina with ettarose at Sanity on Edge.)

But enough about HBDC, ReformingGeek describes herself as follows:

I'm a southern girl barely a baby-boomer who likes to find humor in most situations. I've usually got a smile on my face (except when I'm running) and I like to have fun.

On a long hiatus from the corporate world, my perspective on life is changing.

I surprised myself and a few others by creating this blog. I write about whatever pops into my head or my life and inject my own twisted humor into the stories. I've enjoyed learning and I'm having fun. I hope you are too.

I encourage you to check her blog out. I don't think you'll be disappointed, and if you are, then well, fine...:

LEAVE!

But I hope you'll leave with a smile. :-)

Yesterday, I added five folks to follow on my Twitter account. I also added their blogs and think you might want to check them out:

Avitable

Daddy Papersurfer - Old Git

fracas

Krapsody

Orange Derange

I've hovered around some of their blogs previously, but for some reason, never landed on their blogs. I don't know why, but didn't. However, I'm looking forward to exploring their perspectives (twisted, in most cases) on life and encourage you to see what you think.

For more blogs worth checking out, visit BlogStorm.

This is the second stop on the Humor Bloggers Dot Com Virtual Road Trip, which will take you through Canada, the U.S., back into Canada and then off to London, England. Thanks to Frank Lee MeeDeire of the blog i probably don't like you, you've already had a taste of Toronto, which probably tasted a little French, courtesy of Étienne Brûlé.

Here, in Pennsyltucky (all of that area outside the red and blue on the map above, that white is on purpose) we're mostly of English stock, thanks to this man (?):



As for taste, we'd probably taste a little gamy, to be honest, unlike Brûlé, because of our mostly heavy venison diet, which brings me to the first thing on

An Abbreviated List of Things To Do in Pennsyltucky:

1. Hunt: The prey of choice here is white-tailed deer**; the weapon of choice, a gun not surprisingly since we do cling to them along with our religion (as WASPy as you can get) although we have been known to use the Bowie knife, numchucks or the atlatl in times past (and possibly in the future too). Pennsyltucky also is home to the black bear, the ruffed grouse (the official state game bird) and the mountain lion (at least, some people believe it).

2. Fish: The Susquehanna River cuts right through the heart of Pennsyltucky and has everything in it from trout to bass to walleye and recently the American eel has been reintroduced. In addition to the Susquehanna, Pennsyltucky has a plethora of lakes and ponds in which you can catch a wide variety of species from sunfish to piranha:



(okay, not really, but I just thought I'd see if you were paying attention).

3. Hike: Only a few miles from where I live is the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon or Pine Creek Gorge, which is just one of the highlights, at least, in my mind, in Pennsyltucky to hike and/or bike.

Also certainly not to be overlooked is the Appalachian Trail which cuts through the southeast corner of Pennsyltucky.

Only thing is while you might be able to hike through some of the areas, be aware that 35 to 40 state parks may be closed in the near future due to budgetary constraints so you may have to find leaves to use or bring your own stock of toilet paper.

4. Drink And Drive: This actually probably should have been No. 1. As a correspondent who covers local district courts, I know of what I speak. DUIs are the most prevalent crime here, next to pedophilia.

If you are going to drink and drive in Pennsyltucky, here is

An Abbreviated List of Attractions in Pennsyltucky:

to which you can drink and drive, if you make it alive:

1. Farm Museums: A list of which can be found here. You never seen one of these?



You'll learn all about them at your local Pennsyltucky farm museum.

2. The Peter J. McGovern Little League Museum: You'll learn not only about Little League Baseball, but also Little League SOFTBALL (even if it was after 36 years since Title IX was passed that the first Little League World Softball Series was played, at least, it happened, dammit).

If you come at the end of August this year, you even can catch the 2009 Little League World Baseball Series, culminating in the final game at Howard J. Lamade Stadium. For the 2009 Little League World Softball Series, however, you'll have to travel to Kalamazoo, Michigan earlier in August (see previous link for more information on dates).



3. Yep, that's about it.

For more on Pennsyltucky, visit here or there.

Next stop is June 5 in Jersey. Click below for the blogger who will be guiding you.










** Photo courtesy of Pennsylvania Game Commission/Hal Korber

I'm a white male, in my 50s, IQ 146, from a loving family with loyal friends, some of whom I've known for decades. I am universally liked because at heart I'm a nice guy with no desire to hurt anyone. But I also harbour politically incorrect thoughts and less than kind views of most of the beliefs, actions, and mindsets surrounding me: this is my chance to express them.

This is how Frank Lee MeeDiere describes himself on the front page of i probably don't like you. I found Frank's blog through Humor Bloggers, where both he and I are members.

What are some of the reasons Frank probably doesn't like you? Here are a few...

...because you're Canadian.

...because you're in my way.

...because you're a sports fan.

...because you're a male.

...because you're a female.

Yes, sirree, Bob and Bobelina, he's got all the bases covered why he probably doesn't like you.

Oh, warning: he is Canadian and today (actually Monday, I'm a little behind on this shout-out) he's starting a Humor Bloggers dot com Virtual Road Trip, with the first stop his own city of Toronto.

Second stop, June 3: right here in Pennsyltucky where I live.

After me, this is where we'll be going on June 5:



From there, you'll just have to follow along as we make our way around the states and ironically for those of us who are Americans end with Bigredkev in London, England, on July 4 weekend.

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