Things You Didn't Know About Your Local Library, Part I
Earlier this month, I began a part-time job at our local library. On my first day, I was given a tour of the library, at which point the librarian said she'd tell me
Things You Didn't Know About Your Local Library
which got me to thinking of doing an intermittent series here about that very subject.
So today will be the first post in this series, starting with just a few things she told me on that tour.
1. There is a scary side to the library basement.
One side of the basement contains...well, you guessed it, books. The other side, you really don't want to know who or what might be lurking there.
Actually, I was there. It wasn't that bad. The worst I saw was this:
2. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what they will do in the library.
To wit, the librarian told me that one terrible two-year-old pulled down his diaper and pooped in a vent one day. Evidently, his mother was one of those "free-spirited" mothers, in that she let her son loose his spirit...and in this case, his bowels, wherever he wanted.
The librarian said another day, while upstairs...
...um, not in the attic, believe me, you don't want to go there. You think the basement is scary. Just wait until you see what's up there:
Anyway, while upstairs one day, she heard the voice of a child from below: "Help me! Help me!"
She walked down the stairs to find the terrible two-year-old with the hood of his coat stuck in a door. He couldn't get loose.
For some reason, she let him loose. My wife said she would have left him there to teach him and his mother a lesson.
I'm inclined to agree, which brings me to the last Thing You Didn't Know About Your Local Library for today.
3. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what adults, let's say, of a certain age, will say in the library about kids.
To wit (I'm feeling very witty, but not very pretty and gay, not that there'd be anything wrong with that if I did...well, except that I'm not), whenever kids were around, one "gentleman" patron would remark with a scowl over his shoulder:
Sometimes I feel like saying both of those things...especially when I'm in the supermarket. I guess, I'll just have to wait until I'm...um...of a certain age.
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Things You Didn't Know About Your Local Library
which got me to thinking of doing an intermittent series here about that very subject.
So today will be the first post in this series, starting with just a few things she told me on that tour.
1. There is a scary side to the library basement.
One side of the basement contains...well, you guessed it, books. The other side, you really don't want to know who or what might be lurking there.
(Click on the link to see the full scary image. The site to which this links wouldn't allow me to enlarge it.)
Actually, I was there. It wasn't that bad. The worst I saw was this:
Excuse me, this is a library. You can't be loitering down here...move along now. No, it's not that we have anything against interracial couples. It's just that if you want to share a Coke and a smile, share it somewhere else, all right? After all, no food or drink is allowed in the library.
2. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what they will do in the library.
To wit, the librarian told me that one terrible two-year-old pulled down his diaper and pooped in a vent one day. Evidently, his mother was one of those "free-spirited" mothers, in that she let her son loose his spirit...and in this case, his bowels, wherever he wanted.
The librarian said another day, while upstairs...
...um, not in the attic, believe me, you don't want to go there. You think the basement is scary. Just wait until you see what's up there:
Anyway, while upstairs one day, she heard the voice of a child from below: "Help me! Help me!"
She walked down the stairs to find the terrible two-year-old with the hood of his coat stuck in a door. He couldn't get loose.
For some reason, she let him loose. My wife said she would have left him there to teach him and his mother a lesson.
I'm inclined to agree, which brings me to the last Thing You Didn't Know About Your Local Library for today.
3. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what adults, let's say, of a certain age, will say in the library about kids.
To wit (I'm feeling very witty, but not very pretty and gay, not that there'd be anything wrong with that if I did...well, except that I'm not), whenever kids were around, one "gentleman" patron would remark with a scowl over his shoulder:
"Goddamn kids."Surprised, he also didn't say:
"Stay off my lawn."
Sometimes I feel like saying both of those things...especially when I'm in the supermarket. I guess, I'll just have to wait until I'm...um...of a certain age.
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12 comments:
um, this 'part time job', is it stacking books? and did a local judge help you get this 'part time job' because of something you did recently? just askin'...
That mom should be taken to the attic and told to spend the night with the poopy kid after he's had quite a few beans.
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As a dog, you might not understand, Nooter ;) but some people actually like to read books. I know, hard to imagine. I like to be around books. Really. No joke.
Well, too late now...the mother and child have since moved out of the area. But it was a good idea.
Is that Rosario Dawson and John Stamos?
:D
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Hey, what are they doing in the library basement? Well, maybe one of them (Stamos) needs to be there, but not Dawson. Don't hide, Rosario. :)
Never hide Rosario. She is a beautiful sexy woman.
Hey....my kid did NOT poop in the vent. He pooped by the vent. Beyotch. What's wrong with being free? Huh?! HUH?!
(Seriously, my library has these stairs in the back that lead to nowhere. Nowhere. What is it with libraries around here and all their creepyness?! Hey, how do you spell creepiness? Oh there it is. Never mind). =-O
Those books are his only friends. Leave him alone, Nooter and go clean yourself. :-P
I'm thinking that couple was trying to become a member of the "down below" club. Wait... that has more than one meaning, doesn't it.
LOL.. I love this post. Here lately, I can relate to the older gentleman. Teenagers will do that to you.
And was it the same 2 year that pooped in the register? I'd have left him hanging, too, but not to teach mommy a lesson, but for the protection of the library AND it's patrons! :-D
Yep, same two year old.
And I'm only 40 and I soooo can relate to that older gentlemen.
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