Thunday Thout-Out Thostthoned This Thweek
If that title looks a little odd to you, let me translate, since I'm having problems speaking today: This week's Sunday Shout-Out is postponed this week.
Why? Let me provide a photo:
Last night as I was trying to go to bed, I suddenly felt like there was something stuck on my tongue. However, as much as I tried and tried, it wouldn't come off. That's weird, I thought.
So I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror to see if I could get the detritus off my tongue, and nope, it wasn't a jalapeno potato chip grafted to the top of my tongue. What I found was that I wouldn't be able to get anything off my tongue, because it was my tongue, or I should say, a piece of my tongue, almost like a wart on the front of my tongue.
In 40 years of existence, I had and have never seen or felt such a thing so what did I do? What any sane, rational man would do. I went back into the bedroom to tell my wife.
I showed it to her and she said that it was just irritated from eating three-quarters of a bag of jalapeno chips earlier in the night.
Then ensued a 20-minute monologue in which I whined that I'd never be able to get to thleep. About 4 a.m. I think I finally got to thleep, my tongue lolling out of my mouth.
Today, though in keeping with the hypochondria that is prevalent in my family (e.g. my sister), I had to look up online about tongue ulcers (even though I'm not sure that's what I have yet) and what was one of the first places I found:
Yep, this one that said "May cause cancer..." Of course I saw it as "may CAUSE CANCER."
So how do I treat this? Well, among the ways, listed were these helpful hints:
...unfortunately, I just learned through the world's greatest resource, Wikipedia that the pipal tree and the banyan tree aren't native to my part of the world.
I guess I'm thucked.
In the interim between last week's Sunday Shout-Out and next week's Sunday Shout-Out, visit any number of bloggers from these three sites:
Humor-Blogs.com
Humor Bloggers
BlogStorm
I highly recommend them (or at least some of them, you know who you are).
** My wife wanted me to add that I had "crazy eyes" (like that time I awoke when I had a dream that a friend in South Korea had died as the result of an attack from North Korea and I had to call him at 3 in the morning, she reminds me) and that I wanted to apply a band-aid to the tongue until she informed me that it probably wouldn't stick.
Why? Let me provide a photo:
Last night as I was trying to go to bed, I suddenly felt like there was something stuck on my tongue. However, as much as I tried and tried, it wouldn't come off. That's weird, I thought.
So I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror to see if I could get the detritus off my tongue, and nope, it wasn't a jalapeno potato chip grafted to the top of my tongue. What I found was that I wouldn't be able to get anything off my tongue, because it was my tongue, or I should say, a piece of my tongue, almost like a wart on the front of my tongue.
In 40 years of existence, I had and have never seen or felt such a thing so what did I do? What any sane, rational man would do. I went back into the bedroom to tell my wife.
"Um, honey, I think something's wrong with my tongue? Can you come look at it?"
"What?!?!"
"I think something's wrong with my tongue? Can you come look at it? It's really weird."
I showed it to her and she said that it was just irritated from eating three-quarters of a bag of jalapeno chips earlier in the night.
"Really? I've never seen or felt anything like this. It's like I have something stuck on my tongue and I can't get it off."
Then ensued a 20-minute monologue in which I whined that I'd never be able to get to thleep. About 4 a.m. I think I finally got to thleep, my tongue lolling out of my mouth.
Today, though in keeping with the hypochondria that is prevalent in my family (e.g. my sister), I had to look up online about tongue ulcers (even though I'm not sure that's what I have yet) and what was one of the first places I found:
Yep, this one that said "May cause cancer..." Of course I saw it as "may CAUSE CANCER."
So how do I treat this? Well, among the ways, listed were these helpful hints:
- Applying honey mixed with pipal tree leaves and its roots.
- Applying milk of the banyan tree.
...unfortunately, I just learned through the world's greatest resource, Wikipedia that the pipal tree and the banyan tree aren't native to my part of the world.
I guess I'm thucked.
In the interim between last week's Sunday Shout-Out and next week's Sunday Shout-Out, visit any number of bloggers from these three sites:
Humor-Blogs.com
Humor Bloggers
BlogStorm
I highly recommend them (or at least some of them, you know who you are).
** My wife wanted me to add that I had "crazy eyes" (like that time I awoke when I had a dream that a friend in South Korea had died as the result of an attack from North Korea and I had to call him at 3 in the morning, she reminds me) and that I wanted to apply a band-aid to the tongue until she informed me that it probably wouldn't stick.
16 comments:
OMG "I guess I'm thucked." Hilarious. I'm glad you have Kim there to save you from yourself.
You called your friend in South Korea at 3 in the morning? Or you dreamed you called him? OMG. I have so many questions for you.
Also, everyone knows you shouldn't eat 3/4 of a bag of jalapeno chips. You're supposed to stop at half. Sheesh. Don't you know anything?
Recent blog:=- Stuff My Husband Doesn’t Know About When I Mow the Lawn
Thorry about your tongue. I say just go for the honey. Yum!
Recent blog:=- Out of THIS World
Thorry about your tongue. I say just go for the honey. Yum!
Recent blog:=- Out of THIS World
Thorry about your tongue. I say just go for the honey. Yum!
Recent blog:=- Out of THIS World
I thought I had, but Kim says that I didn't, that she talked me down from calling him. I did talk to him later, though, and actually wrote a poem about it.
Half: I'll remember next time! Thanks for telling me NOW! :)
Did go for honey but without the pipal tree leaves.
Well that juth thucks.
Recent blog:=- My Bibliography: Grade School
I know, doethn't it, though? :) Hey, I'm sorry to hear about the demise of your Authoring Auctioneer blog, but look forward to following your new blog. :)
Recent blog:=- Thunday Thout-Out Thostthoned This Thweek
Wow. You really do have issues. I mean I'm a hypochondriac but a band aid on your tongue!? Freak. That totally wouldn't work. You'd have to wrap it in gauze. Der!
Recent blog:=- Independence Day
I should add that this is approximately the fifth time you have awakened me in the dead of night with crazy eyes and a crisis. And I'm not even counting the Mechanicsburg Fried Oreo Debacle.
Also: In your dream about Joe, you were saying hello to him on the street and he acted like he didn't hear or see you. This was sufficiently freaky enough to convince you he was ABOUT TO DIE.
Its a wonder I sleep so soundly.
Recent blog:=- Sunday Silence
OUCH!! I've got no homemade remedy for that other than stay away from the jalapeno chips!
Recent blog:=- Mardi Gras UnCut
Maybe if you thoaked your tongue in boothe, then thwallowed it, it'd help. Not your tongue, but the thleeping.
Recent blog:=- WHAT is Going on Here?!?!?
So let me get this straight... Having something "weird" on your tongue maketh you type funny?
What a strange phenomenon.
Recent blog:=- A Couple of Things I’ve Learned
Good adthice. Thanks.
Recent blog:=- Thunday Thout-Out Thostthoned This Thweek
I know. It's the weirdeth thing.
Dang! And I was so relying on you. Now what am I going to do? Oh, stay away from the chips? Check.
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